My Jersey Shore Haiku Goodbye

When I got back in this afternoon, I realized that tonight, tragically, was the season finale of the Jersey Shore. Things got a little misty out here and I needed to work out some emotions. And so here, I give you, my Jersey Shore farewell Haikus.

Vinnie

You played the nice guy

And yet threw barbs at the clowns.

Is that Pink Eye gone?

Snookie

A tragic figure

Four-Nine and Sober...umm...when?

I didn’t bang—yet.

Pauly D:

Good God what is that?

Like Hair, Yet Plastic and Glue

Is Rhode Island Deaf?

The Situation:

It’s Gym, Tan, Laundry.

Perhaps we can rename you

The Desparation

Angelina:

It took two Thursdays

Before your trash bags were gone,

You Cock Block Master

JWoww:

You’ve got issues and

I Hope Surgeons give refunds.

Wait, is that a shirt?

Sammie:

More hassle than fun.

You make a wet blanket look

Like Six Flags on Crack

Ronnie:

You broke your love rule

But kept it lively with brawls.

Dude, what are you on?

All of You Damn Guidos:

How did we find love?

So dumb and yet so much fun.

Do we have Valtrex?