Thursday, February 4, 2010

Nothing Says Political Unrest Like Surf &Turf

Today marks the kickoff of what's being called the "National Teaparty Convention," which was the promoters preferred over the other name being tossed around, "Giant Fleecing of Angry Scared Morons." There has already been some dissension among the whole tea party crew as to whether having a big single convention was actually a good idea, but the biggest hubbub has been over the money that's being tossed around, and ultimately kept by a handful of organizers.

Listen, I've got no beef with people getting together to stew angrily over some sort of misguided political disaffection. I get it. The economy is tough, that uppity Obama doesn't seem to care what you think, and there's someone telling you that the only way to fix the universe is to shout louder. It seems so damn easy, and that's the hook. Fine, go with it.

But here, in this Convention stuff, we have potentially the most obvious whoring out of the entire movement (and that's really saying something considering the underlying corporate funding that's been happening throughout this fiasco). Somehow, a for-profit corporation has been able to pass off a money making event with a--no joke--lobster and steak banquet and a $100,000 keynote speaker as the great symbol of everyday Americans taking back power. You also get to hear some of the local leaders tell you their strategies for fomenting your neighborhood government overthrow (you know they're not paying this crew anything--has anyone ever had to try hard to get a no-name conservative to talk about how smart and important they are? I think not.) All this for the low, low, price of $549, plus an additional $9.95. I'm assuming the extra fee is for Bald Eagle chow, but hopefully everyone also gets a flag ShamWow.

How are the angry masses supposed to pay the $549 you ask? To quote the organizers on their website (note: I kept the grammatical errors in there because it makes it funnier):

"Fifty people in a small tea party group for example each investing $10-20 dollars would take care of most of the costs to a delegate. This is not a huge investment money but information wise it will yield huge returns."

Ohhhhhh! Now I get it! Have the other shmucks at your local gun range/anti-government compound/Klan rally pay for you to go! Because that just screams "fiscal self-reliance."

Clearly, the big draw of the event is Sarah Palin, the darling of the allegedly oppressed right and current $100K per appearance speaker. She's taken some heat for all the money getting tossed around, and so now we're hearing she's planning on giving it to some organizations to do more funds. But when you think about it, isn't she just replacing the government if we make this a comparison to taxes? Why doesn't the organization just give the money to the organizations instead of to her, for her to redistribute it to those groups who need it? Consistency was never really her strong point anyways. (Side Note: I can't get over her answer to when she was asked which of the founding fathers she most admired: "You know. Well, all of them." I'm sure that's what Doris Kearns Goodwin said too.)

Moreover, even if Palin says she has problems or even concerns over the huge charges, she's completely exposing that as utter bullshit by still going and getting her big paycheck. Hell, if she just gave back her fee to help cut the costs, that would be a pretty big chunk (for all the non-math majors, if they had 1,000 sign up, it's $100 per person). Other people have actually started to withdraw in light of all the negative elements. That goddamn nut Michelle Bachmann pulled out completely, although we can all be certain that it was because of all the Senate rules on shilling for corporations as opposed to any personal problems with the scam. The only exception, of course, it was the company who makes hoods for waterboarding. She'd stand up for those free-marketers, Senate rules be damned.

Hopefully by Sunday night the Republic will in fact still be intact despite the efforts of those leading the 2nd Revolution. If it is, we can only assume those fine Patriots were too weighed down by the lobsters and drawn butter to take arms against Obama and his Socialist pals. Next week, though, watch out, the Rebellion is On! Oh wait, next weekend is Valentine's Day and there are ex-wives to be stalked. Screw it, let's just go back to the shooting range.

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