Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Get Those Fists Pumpin!

It's been a little while since we've all beaten up a beat over in Seaside Heights, so we've got a lot to analyze. Just caught some extra stuff online where they actually had Kenny from the challenge shows interview a few of them. I'll be honest--it wasn't exactly Frost/Nixon. But there were some entertaining rips on each other.

Through 5 episodes, it's fair to say that The Situation has developed into hands down the most interesting member of the cast. The remarkable part of the arc, and what's kept him at the forefront, has been his being exposed not as the master player, but as an insecure and surprisingly desperate mess. He's kind if morphing into a spray-tanned Kanye West, minus the part about having an identifiable talent.

Unlike the rest of the house, he seems to get where he is both in the house and in the world outside of Guido City, USA. He appears to understand the fact that he's basically an aging, somewhat fugly, personal trainer who can't get any of the local skankery to return his calls.To paraphrase Ronnie, Mike would get freaky with a Gatorade bottle by this point. The fact that he gets it and has become so desperate in chasing anything resembling a female is really a surprising turn since the start and has begun to isolate him from the others--I'm guessing his trying to talk up some woman while Snookie was bleeding on the ground will be an ongoing source of contention. I'm thinking he breaks down and cries before the end of one of these things--this cat is fragile as all hell.

As for the others, there's less to get excited over. I love Pauly D, but he just might be the least self-aware character I've ever seen (insert comment about being "Rhode Island's Number One DJ"). It's entertaining in some ways, but I'm afraid he might be a little one-note after another week or so. As a side note, there was some female he brought home an episode or so ago that looked like a less attractive John Daly (pic). OK, that was just an excuse to make you look at a picture of the old John Daly.

The rest of the people seem to have their one gimmick and not a hell of a lot else. Ronnie and Sammie seem to just have their deal and are kind of boring overall. Vinnie seems likable enough, but about as exciting to watch as day old bread pudding. Snookie and JWowwheria are crazy drunken whores, but I'm not sure that we didn't know that about 35 seconds into episode 1. The two of them together are about as stable as a Jenga pile on a wake board.

And to set the record straight, the blue roses that Chumpy McGee sent JWoww aren't anything rare or exotic, or as she called them, "the rarest roses--you can't even get them in New York." I'm sure you're right JWoww, the rarest flowers in the world are only available in the seediest part of Jersey. That makes sense. For chrissakes you moron they're just white ones painted blue! I looked into this and actual "blue roses" do exist and are hard to come by, but they look mauve and not blue. Those Ikea blue ones she got were some cheap ass spray paint crap. Yes, I actually looked this stuff up and recognize the serious need to find a better use for my time. Oh well.

Until next time, keep your poofs fluffy and your hair crunchy. We'll probably revisit things in a couple of weeks.

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