Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Jersey Shore Haiku Goodbye

When I got back in this afternoon, I realized that tonight, tragically, was the season finale of the Jersey Shore. Things got a little misty out here and I needed to work out some emotions. And so here, I give you, my Jersey Shore farewell Haikus.


You played the nice guy

And yet threw barbs at the clowns.

Is that Pink Eye gone?


A tragic figure

Four-Nine and Sober...umm...when?

I didn’t bang—yet.

Pauly D:

Good God what is that?

Like Hair, Yet Plastic and Glue

Is Rhode Island Deaf?

The Situation:

It’s Gym, Tan, Laundry.

Perhaps we can rename you

The Desparation


It took two Thursdays

Before your trash bags were gone,

You Cock Block Master


You’ve got issues and

I Hope Surgeons give refunds.

Wait, is that a shirt?


More hassle than fun.

You make a wet blanket look

Like Six Flags on Crack


You broke your love rule

But kept it lively with brawls.

Dude, what are you on?

All of You Damn Guidos:

How did we find love?

So dumb and yet so much fun.

Do we have Valtrex?

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