Friday, December 11, 2009

Et Tu, Situation?

After last week's 2 hour installment of "Jersey Shore," I had my doubts as to whether I'd be able to commit to this train wreck of humanity on a weekly basis. I love me some drunken Guido sluttery just like everyone else, but 14 weeks in a row?

Fortunately, the zookeepers at MTV opted instead to turn the monkeys loose on each other, which is clearly going to be the best part of the show (other than the Valtrex dispenser bolted to the wall). Last night saw the Situation become openly creepy toward Ronnie and Sammie/Sammy/Sammi/Samm% (whichever one is right) and discuss his own relationship with her. This was done with approximately the same level of skin-crawling that would accompany a child molester explaining his relationship with his 11 year old step-daughter. Classy, my friend.

The other big development was JWoww making out with and then inspecting another roommate's pierced junk 14 hours into being there while allegedly maintaining her Elizabethan morals. By the way, seeing her in the morning officially requires a name change to "JYikes" or "JUghhh." It's like she stole those hair extensions from George Clinton's back hair. I can't even describe how much I loved her whole "Now that I'm single, I'm going to slut it up" forecast. She's going to have a new disease named after her by the end of this thing, and I'm naming it right now: JWowwerrhea.

The departure of Angelina was pretty unremarkable since by the time she left everyone hated her. Basically the equivalent of a Mark Sanford resignation (Really? He's still on the SC dime? I love the South and the bible thumpers.). She was right though, it was some huge courtesy she threw at the store manager telling him that she was hung over and leaving. Emily Post would be proud.